Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My Stats!

I got my Dungeons and Dragons stats, and you can too!

My stats* are:
STR:5
INT:15
WIS:10
DEX:9
CON:12
CHR:10

Josh says I'll have to be a wizard. With a nice strong traveling companion to help carry my stuff, or I'll have to get really good at levitation spells.

Morning entertainment.

Even when I get up early-ish the morning is too short. I'm tempted to want to get up even earlier.

*If you don't happen to be familiar with these abbreviations, this might help:
STR = strength, INT = inteligence, WIS = wisdom, DEX = dextarity, CON = constitution (related to how many hit points you get), CHR = charisma
The maximum stat is 18, which is pretty close to god-like ability.
Anyway, that is my understanding. It should be pretty close anyway. :)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Time.

Time is in the new coffee.

I am not saying that time is now or soon-to-be a beverage. This is fortunate. It has, though, become a more constant consideration for me than coffee (which is saying something!). I think about it quite a bit, about how I should schedule it, what I should do and not do with it, and if I'm using it to its best advantage. I have so much I want to do with my time: raise my kids, talk to my husband, get to know and stay in touch with people, serve others, fulfill my creative and intellectual appetites, earn lotsa money so we don't get kicked out of our humble apartment, read every status update in my facebook news feed, and, this seems to happen whether I have time for it or not, just let my brain go and do something relatively useless from time to time. Oh, and sleep and eat and make myself look presentable.

I suspect that if I spend more time caring for my spiritual and physical life, it will result in a net gain overall, so I'm trying to get those things fixed up (as time allows... *cough*). I started on that this morning, actually, with a pleasant and, I think, helpful morning routine. Hopefully it will help move me in a good direction.

Anybody else not have enough time in your life? I feel like I might have heard of this difficulty before somewhere.

Oh, and about coffee: I'm cutting back again. I have a new strategy that I am fond of which involves small (and adorable) coffee cups. :)

just a little cup of coffee

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

ghost posts

I have a couple of drafts of posts saved. I think they're pretty interesting, but I don't think I'll publish them. It seems like everything I have to say lately is either too personal or won't come out right and makes me sound weird. Or both (or would it be all three...). Maybe I just don't have the right amount of time and attention to craft the types of posts I'd want to put up. I wrote some things down in a journal the other day, by hand. That felt really good, actually. Some things are only meant for paper, and only meant for me. And, perhaps, for people who ask me about them. So for anybody who is really curious, maybe we can do that talking thing people sometimes do. And if you aren't, or just don't have time, that's ok too. I can relate. To the logistical bit, I mean.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

grouchy grouch grouch grouch

I think it's been about five weeks now that I've been leaning toward the grouchy instead of toward the serene, and it is cramping my style. I am kind of irritable and I take things too personally. I am also annoyed because I feel like this is feeding on itself and getting worse rather than better, and I am losing ground that I have been fighting for for the past two years.

It's a little bit maddening, because I can't figure out if it's my fault and, whether it is or isn't, what I can do about it. It kind of started when the return from vacation threw me off my groove, but the new job threw me off the groove too, at pretty much the same time, so who knows. Both messed with my schedule and my coffee saga is at still a lower point now, since I use it to help me get through when I'm tired or grouchy but I don't think I can afford to be.

When pregnant the first time, I learned that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am not always in control of my moods. However, earlier this year I started doing some things, many of them physical, that I thought really helped me be a better person. I think if I can get back on track with that schedule/strategy, it might make a big difference. But I'm kind of too grouchy to try very hard.

I wonder if partly I'm worrying about my mental state, and the things that cause me to prickle, too much. There's that quote I still can't remember exactly, but is really key, I think: "If things contrary to your most cherished desires come to pass, it is of no consequence." And then (this is pretty close), "I want you to be happy - to laugh, smile and rejoice - in order that others may be made happy by you." 'Abdu'l-Baha said that, and he certainly makes it sound like a choice!

Is it my circumstances that are making me tired, stressed, [mildly] caffeine-addicted? Am I not applying enough self discipline to be happy and behave in other healthy ways? Should I just rise above this and stop paying attention to the tides of my moods so much?
The more we search for ourselves, the less likely we are to find ourselves; and the more we search for God, and to serve our fellow-men, the more profoundly will we become acquainted with ourselves, and the more inwardly assured. This is one of the great spiritual laws of life.
I think I'm striving to serve others, but maybe I'm not doing that right either. Or maybe I'm not searching for God enough. I kind of don't know right now.