so here we are

I have another blog. It's kind of about what I do. It's kind of about my kids. Ok, mostly about my kids. I like it. But I was talking to my friend Mona today, and decided that I need another blog. A deeper, perhaps darker, maybe baggage-ridden blog. A blog more about what I think, or something. So here we are.

Shall I jump right in? Maybe after some stars?

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One thing that's been on my mind kind of has to do with these quotes:

Let none, therefore, consider the largeness or smallness of the receptacle. The portion of some might lie in the palm of a man’s hand, the portion of others might fill a cup, and of others even a gallon-measure. -Baha'u'llah

He will never deal unjustly with any one, neither will He task a soul beyond its power. He, verily, is the Compassionate, the All-Merciful. -Baha'u'llah

I swear by My life! Nothing save that which profiteth them can befall My loved ones. To this testifieth the Pen of God, the Most Powerful, the All-Glorious, the Best Beloved. -Baha'u'llah

I'm not quite sure how to explain. It's sort of like this:

I feel very fortunate and rich. Why do I have so many amazing gifts right now? How does my capacity to do good things compare to my doing good things? Do I have the capacity to deal with something really terrible happening? Because if I do, something terrible might happen. But if I don't, I won't be tested in that way.

I have so much I don't want to lose. Especially (it seems like) right now. It almost makes me wish for a small capacity. But that's not for me to say, or even know. And it is comforting that anything that comes to pass is for the best (because as a wise person once pointed out to me and a whole crowd of others, nobody is excused from being a "loved one").

Still, though, it makes me concerned when I should be enjoying the gifts, dealing with the trials that do exist in my life, and, yes, continuing to make an effort to improve, do more, or do better. Or at least try. But I have to want to try. And I do want to...mostly.

Then I tell myself that what I am doing is taking quite a bit of effort, and deserves my attention, and I shouldn't wear myself out. But then I point to time that may be wasted (though it may also be good for me, and who knows, maybe good for others too) and suggest that maybe I should do better.

Of course I should do better. That is what life is about.

I guess that's the best I can explain it right now. This is the third try, and it's just about my turn to read a bedtime story.